For those who don’t yet know, I got engaged on August 12 this year to the love of my life, Ronald. You can go to our wedding website HERE for any details about the upcoming wedding, but this post is a little more philosophical and less business, so I’m putting it here.
So far, I am feeding off of wedding planning. Since my attempts to start a webzine continue to fail (not giving up, but it will be awhile), I really need a project like this. Wedding planning is the least intimidating project in my life to tackle at the moment, so I’m throwing myself into it until another area loosens up.
Below: First page of my possible venues excel sheet (almost 100 locations)
I was chatting with a college friend last week and when I was in the middle of wedding plan talk, she said admiringly, “Wow, you’ve changed!”
See, in college, I gained a reputation for being a bit of a ruthless perfectionist. I pulled off some pretty impressive events, if I do say so myself, but I definitely stepped on some toes in the process and usually stressed myself silly as well. So naturally my friend was pleasantly surprised when I tell her that I don’t need my bridesmaids in matching dresses.
While I do think I’ve grown a lot since college, I also think I see a wedding’s purpose as separate than others event I’ve directed. The product was my main focus before. This time, I’m on a diplomatic mission.
Everyone loves to tell brides: “It’s your wedding, do what you want” whenever the girl has a potentially controversial idea. This seems like an overly simplistic answer to me. Of course, you shouldn’t be a pushover, but this is no time to bushwhack through feelings to reach some glorious vision. There is a time when you have to be “true to yourself” and there is a time to invest in future relationships.
This is a critical time for my future family’s perception of me, not to mention my fiance’s evaluation of my sanity. They’ve never seen me plan an event before and this is my time to show them what I’m made of. A wedding is sort of like an alliance between two separate nations and I’m my own ambassador. I can throw an epic party that fits my grand vision perfectly, but if I alienate the other nation (or worse, my own allies/parents), then I don’t consider it a success.
It helps that I don’t have a clear vision in the first place. The rest of my future I’ve had dreamed up for ages, but somehow, I never bothered fantasizing about my ideal wedding. I guess it didn’t make sense until I knew the type of guy I’d be marrying since I’ve always felt the wedding should represent both the bride and groom as a unit. So I have no clue whether I want paper lanterns or mason jars at the reception. That makes me nervous, but it does help me be more flexible if I find out my mother-in-law has a mason jar phobia. This is NOT normal for me. Usually, I am the queen of grand visions, but so far it’s working out.
NOTE: I’m lucky enough to have future in-laws who have welcomed me into the family with open arms. It didn’t take long for me to come to love them all dearly and their support of our wedding plans is a relief and comfort. Now, many brides don’t have such an easy time, so they might not be able to follow my philosophy. I totally understand that sometimes, it’s impossible to do anything that will please your in-laws. So this blog post is certainly slanted towards brides that have a chance at forming long-term relationships with their in-laws. I would like to point out that it still applies to the people in the wedding that you DO care about, like your bridesmaids. Consideration of others will usually save you a lot of drama.