“Oh, Mistress Mine…”(or whatever the male equivalent is)

A big shout out to all my new visitors and especially to the brave ones who have actually ~GASP~ commented! Dear commenters, past/present/future : Congratulations, you just made my day! Don’t you just want to go subscribe now? ;-P

I don’t know about the rest of you, but sometimes I come up with little personal slogans I pull out whenever certain subjects turn up in conversation.  It starts as a turn of phrase I use to explain something and I grow so fond of how it sounds that I use it over and over again. One of my favorites is to tell people regarding my career choice: “I will always be married to my writing, but have a passionate love affair with acting on the side.”

For most of high school, I thought it would be the other way around. I would get annoyed whenever people suggested I should choose a writing-related career path because I thought writing was boring compared to the stage.  I knew I was a good writer, so I reasoned writing could be my backup plan. I was a die-hard drama club kid with dreams of starring roles or the director’s chair. Despite an irrepressible determination that I still possess today, I was easily disheartened when I got bit parts in school plays. Not only did auditions make me more nervous than a man about to be guillotined, but after the cast list had been posted I would brood for days about why I hadn’t been picked for the lead. Irony of ironies, the one lead role I received was the part of a girl who is a journalist and then drops everything to pursue a career on the stage and ends up regretting it big time. Apparently, my drama teacher was even smarter than I knew!

But I spent nights sobbing over my theater failures, tormented by confusion. I had an insatiable craving for the spotlight and that magical connection with an audience. I was starving from want of it.  So what did I do? I decided to take matters into my own hands by directing and starring in my own story–on the stage of the page. Unlike an audition, you can wait to present your writing until after you are satisfied with it. And the best part is that you as the author get to play every single role and give yourself the best lines! Ha, pretty sneaky huh?

I eventually fell in love with writing much in the same way you can grow in love with your best friend after you’ve known them for years. Now, I’ve committed myself to it, whether it be as an author or as an editor or literary agent. Surprisingly, I find the business side of publishing to be just as exciting as the writing side and I really want to get an internship at a publishing house next summer. Whatever the venue, I’ve made my choice and I doubt I’ll change my mind. I realized that there’s a lot about acting I really don’t want to be a part of. Even if I could magically be a successful actress, I’d still have to deal with the intense stress of auditions. Beyond that, I doubt I could ever be successful in Hollywood because I have some pretty strict moral standards I’d be holding myself to and I’m not convinced it’s possible to make it big in acting without having to constantly compromise your morals. With writing, I can choose to make all my content G or PG rated and it probably won’t impact my chances of success. I can sit at my computer, painting black and white typed scenes and say that I’m “working”. It’s strange how this girl who thought she didn’t handle rejection well can get negative feedback on her writing and it actually spurs her to a fury of fiction productivity. Writing brings out the best in me…mostly. More so than acting ever did (I definitely held secret grudges against friends who I didn’t believe deserved their leading roles).

And yet…I can’t break away from my first love. As I was thrilled to say in my only leading role as “Lorry” in Curtain Going Up: “There’s something about a stage–a theater–I don’t know what it is. My heart’s going a mile a minute…why even the smell of the theater is exciting!”

In college, I’ve worked on lots of drama related projects. I put videos on youtube, I’m part of a role-playing group, and I love doing those boxed murder mystery party games. My crowning glory was directing The Importance of Being Earnest completely from scratch. I had never directed before, but I didn’t want the help of my college’s super-modern-artsy theater department. I pulled the entire production together on my own and the end result was spectacular (sorry to boast, but it WAS brilliant! Ask anyone who saw it!).

I decided to blog about this because tomorrow (errr, today, it’s past midnight), I’m going to participate in this massive project on youtube called “A day in the life”. I’ll be filming parts of my day and then offering up the raw footage to possibly go into a movie at the Sundance film festival. I already make lots of videos on youtube so I figured I’d just make a special one tomorrow since it’s open to everyone, regardless of how amateurish you are. It’s not acting exactly, but I’ll take what I can get.

In case you want to watch some of my videos, here’s a link to MI5, a spy-themed channel where I play Agent Thursday we had a different “agent” for every weekday): http://www.youtube.com/user/TheMI5Show

And for less entertaining stuff, my personal youtube page: http://www.youtube.com/user/TzarinaMystra

P.S. The title of this post “Oh, Mistress Mine” is the name of a song from my favorite Shakespearean play, Twelfth Night.


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Bethany
    Jul 27, 2010 @ 04:42:35

    Coming from the WriteOnCon forums and I was on the cusp of certainty (that I had to leave a comment). Twelfth Night being your favorite thrust me over. 🙂

    I relate with several things you said in this entry. Pretty awesome. 🙂 Looking forward to the conference and seeing your work!


  2. missmystra
    Jul 27, 2010 @ 05:13:38

    Hey, Bethany! Thanks for the comment and I can’t wait to see you at the conference, too!


  3. murder mystery party games
    Oct 27, 2010 @ 01:55:56

    I really enjoy role playing games as well. I was a drama club kid in HS too. I am a finance major now, who woulda-funk-it! Anyway, it is all there; it never goes away.


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