Discombobulated

I’ve been talking with a lot of my friends lately and this week just seems to be stressing everyone out (myself included), so let’s lighten the mood a bit.

This is my ode to working on my query letter and cover letters at the same time:

 

Dear Wal-Mart,

I am a recent graduate of Westmont College where I received a bachelor’s degree in English with a creative writing emphasis. For seventeen years, I’ve been stuck in my worst nightmare: a normal life. As much as I love shopping malls, Oreos, and organizing on campus events, I’m dying for an adventure. In addition to having a natural aptitude for Telos, the mysterious mental abilities of the Mages, I am also proficient in Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint.

Wal-Mart sells so many of the books I love such as Going Bovine, Flush, and The Fault in Our Stars and I believe I would fit well with your current selection. Nothing would excite me more than the chance to swipe your books’ barcodes and carefully bag them for your customers.

Tahlia Merrill is a 70,000 word, science-fiction, young adult novelist with a quirky and lighthearted voice that is so necessary for a Wal-Mart greeter.

Thank you so much for your consideration. You will find my resume and the first three chapters posted below. I would welcome an interview to further discuss my qualifications.

Sincerely,

–Tahlia Merrill

 

Okay, writing this has just inspired me with so many hilarious ideas for literary character job applications. Any request? If I have a break next week, I might just scribble one down. 🙂

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